Sunday, December 11, 2016


It took longer than expected when I began my search for a cat. The "rescue" groups all wanted to keep the cats or by the time I got there, the cat was already adopted. It didn't help that Thanksgiving weekend, I was out of town. Many shelters held a large "adoption event" to empty out the shelters.

In particular, Knoxville Feral Friends, again decided I wasn't a fit "kitty mom" for their rescued cats. I've had run-ins with that group before, and it's never been friendly. I went to a reading by an author of a cat book where several members also attended, and they were snide and unfriendly to everyone in the audience except other members.

So, I ended up in shelters around the area. I tried the Washington County shelter and the Sullivan County shelter. I ended up getting Pebbles from Sullivan County.

The poor girl was covered in mats and her nails were almost grown around to her toes. I took her to Robinson's Vet Hospital immediately to have the mats removed and to get a mani-pedi. She also needed a rabies shot for my apartment manager. She ended up with a lion cut and a bad attitude.

So, Ms. Pebbles is a 10-year old spayed lady kitty. She has definite ideas about how things should be done, and she loves to eat. I feed her twice a day, and she always asks for more. She likes sitting right next to me no matter where I am or what I'm doing. But I can't pet her except on the top of her head. Of course, she gets more pets and scratches than that, but she complains. She's a biter, too. Since she has no hair, she's cold a lot, and crawls under covers at bedtime, and whenever I throw a cover over me on the couch.

She thinks the tub is fun and doesn't seem to respond to catnip at all. I don't have any mice, though she does like chasing the feathers on a stick. She isn't much for balls or soft toys. I haven't tried the red dot, yet.

This little girl won the lottery the day I showed up at the shelter. She likes me, though she hates being held. Maybe it's the way she was held down and manipulated during her haircut, and eventually, she will let me hold her.

Sullivan County ( is a no-kill shelter, and they are overwhelmed with pets needing homes. I've offered to re-do and update their website for free. So far, I haven't received any response from the people who decide such things. They have a facebook presence. They accept donations of pet food and supplies. Just drive over and drop it off. They also use community service workers as volunteers.

Wednesday, November 23, 2016

And Then There Were None

Princess left the planet sometime Sunday/Monday. I have no cats, now.

I've lost 4 cats in the past two years. I've also lost 3 people in my life, and a few other things that mattered to me. It's been 2 years of non-stop grief.

Back to Princess...
I'd taken her to a friend's house to spend my vacation with some noise and company, as she was the only cat left, and this is the first time I've gone out of town since she's been alone. And I'm gone for ten days. I didn't want her to be lonely. She seemed to be settling in OK and adjusting for the nonce. I'd included my favorite couch blanket that she and I shared, so she would have my smells. She had litter box, all her favorite foods, and two favorite toys.

Monday, just as I was packing the car to leave for my transport, I got a call from my friend that she'd passed. She appeared to have been looking out the window and either had a stroke or seizure. She was in the middle of the floor, spread out and gone.

I usually have a sense when a cat leaves. In this instance, I didn't have anything. No "goodbye," "I'm leaving" or anything. I didn't sleep well because I never do. All day, while traveling, I wanted to roll up into a little ball and cry.

I got here, at my destination, and shared on Facebook, with a couple friends and so on. It seemed to be the thing to do.

I'm so grateful my friend was able to care for Princess' remains. I couldn't. I didn't have time.

I know that when everything leaves, there is a reason. I don't know what the next stage will bring, but it hurts to move away from the familiar. It hurts to let go.

I've decided that I'll clean all the cat hair out of the apartment, and go through the cat toys. There are some I can toss, others I can pass on to some cat owners I know. I have an entire box of cat stuff - salmon oil and such, that I can toss. I need a good housecleaning there. So, now is a good time.

Come February, I will look for another cat. I'll be in a position to know if I'm staying where I'm living or if I'll be moving again.

I don't know if my next cat will be a grown cat, rescue, kitten, or even a dog. I have no idea. That's then and this is now. I hope for a cat because cats are my favorites, but a dog would be good for exercise. I had a cat and a dog once, and the cat would walk the dog with me. He was a hoot!

Goodbye, my Princess. You are already missed. It will sink in how much when I return home next week and you aren't there to greet me. I'll really cry at the loneliness, then....

Monday, October 17, 2016

And Then There Was One

I lost Queenie this morning. She had liver cancer that was killing her. There was nothing the vets could do for her, so it was time to let her go.

She started to suffer last night. It was time.

This was Queenie....

I'm sad that she's gone. She was Beasley's favorite kitty and as prickley as she was, she was a lover, too. She always wanted to be the top cat in the house. She got to feel that way in her last few weeks. 

I'm still owned by one cat, Princess....

Princess is 17 years old. Seems to be in good health, so I hope she will stay with me for a while, yet. She's looking for Queenie every time she comes into the living room.

My heart can't take any more loss right now. It's breaking. 

Friday, June 03, 2016

Cat Urine Odor Solutions is now a book

I published Cat Urine Odor Solutions. This is a book based on the pdf that folks used to get for signing up at the website. I figured the information should be available for those who need it. There's an e-book and a paperback. You can find them here....

Saturday, May 28, 2016

I lost Beasley - And Bugsie!

Beasley got run over by a car. It was about 15 months ago, now. I wasn't blogging at the time. But, below is "Ode to Beasley" which will show my pain at the time.

I had gotten a new sewing machine and a friend had come over to help me get it out of the car. We left the door open. He got out. By the time I realized, he'd been run over. I got him to the vet and he lived almost 15 hours. He wasn't in pain. I almost died. I got the sick for the first time in five years. Almost didn't get out of bed, but I did.

Bugsie got a big mass on her cheek, right at the jaw. She was starving to death because she couldn't open her mouth. There wasn't anything they could do. I tried to get to her eat canned food, but she was ever resistant to it. I had to let her go. That was December 2014.

I have Princess and Queenie left. Princess is very snuggly after the year we've had. Queenie is jealous all the time, but she's loving, too. They are both "cats" instead of "humans in cat suits," though.

Ode to Beasley....
Feb 7, 2015

The depth of my grief is the height of my love. The loss is so deep and hollow. The hole is piercing. The wind can't get there and light doesn't exist. The pain and emptiness echo in the darkness. The part that was filled with him.

I miss his snoring in the corner, on the bed, in my lap. I miss the fur and the softness, the warmth, the feel of him. I miss his yowl and chirp. His asking without sound for my attention and his acknowledgement of my eyes on his face.

I miss the soft rumble of his purr and the deep vibration of his heart. I miss his coming to sit next to me while I work and his knowing smile.

I miss his leaning into my arm or lap or shoulder. I miss his tail, his nuzzle to my hair and his paw on my shoulder. I miss his hugs.

He was my heart for eleven years. He held my soul in his eyes, as I held his. Our song will never be sung again. My heart will never feel that same love again. I will never know the understanding look in his eyes again. The chirps, nibbles, nuzzles, head butts, insistent paw wanting my lap and begging me to put the computer away so he could be with me instead. So he could distract me and calm me and be my heart. So he could be held in that way he loved so well.

His presence was soft and demanding at the same time. His needs were ever foremost in my mind. His comfort, his care... I never made a decision that did not include him. From the first, he was my partner. From the first, there was never a question of whether he would be there or not. There was never a question or doubt that he belonged here. From the very first meeting, we were one. I knew him and he knew me. He knew he could trust me and I knew I could trust him. We would never hurt each other.

And then he had to leave. He had to cross that bridge to the endless forever and leave me behind. The hole in my soul and my heart is bottomless. The pain is overwhelming. The loss...  Oh the loss... The emptiness...

I take your favorite mouse and can't bear to do anything but put it out of my sight so I don't cry each time I pass it. I can't wash it, because you are on it. I can't throw it away or burn it because you are on it. It is you - a part of you. You held it in your mouth. It holds your yowls as you look for me in the night. As you beg for my call and attention. How can I do anything with that? I can't leave you behind. I can't go forward without you.

O Beasley, my heart, my love, my voice, my pride. How can I live without you???

You who witnessed my growth, my betrayal, my pain, my loss, my gain, my building, my tearing down. You who were my constant companion for so long. My tears are hot and wet. They flow and flow and flow. My glasses steam up any my nose runs. I cry out in the night and under the sun.

How could you leave me??? Why did you leave me??? What am I to do now??? How will I know when to get up, when to eat, bathe, take my pills?

Whom I can trust??? You were my barometer for everything in my life for so long. How can I go on? How will I know if someone is worthy of my love without you to tell me they are OK? You could always tell about people. You knew who I could trust and who I could not. You knew if it was good or bad. You always knew.

Now it is a darkness in front of me. A dark tunnel that I must walk alone. You won't be with me. You won't follow me. You won't lead me. You aren't here. I can't hold you or check with you.

I don't even have the comfort of your snoring in the corner....

I am alone....

I am so sad....

I miss you....

I will always miss you....

I will always love you....


Good night, my love. I can't say good-bye.
The words won't come. Good-bye is too final.