I've been having bad dreams all week. It's been hard to sleep. Several of the dreams are about Fluffy. I had another one a while ago, and I haven't been able to get back to sleep.
I was turned loose, running for cover, and Fluffy met me on the trail. I called for her to follow me. She was wearing some kind of square thing around her neck, hanging down. When I got to safety, she met me. The "harness" was hanging on by a thin thread, and I removed it.
I can't think of a more poignant dream about the harness of life. Fluffy is ready to go.
I'm at school right now. I've been running past her and doing so much for myself and everyone else, that I haven't had time to concern myself with her more than getting fluids into her every time I'm home. I've been "running past her" and expecting her to keep up or come to find me.
The other cats pile on me when I'm home. They miss me, too. They take my time, and she lays in her bed. I call to her, she looks my way, and then snuggles back into her bed. She comes up to my chair, and climbs into it using her claws, walks across the table beside it, and lays in the cat-tree by the window. She can't climb up into it anymore, to lay in the sun. She doesn't stop for cuddles. They hurt - unless it's her head or tail. She's spent one night on the bed with me in the last two months. Probably, that was her "good-bye" sleep with me, but I mis-read it.
I'll be home with her tonight. I'll take the time to sit with her and talk with her. I need to see that she's ready. I need to say good-bye to her. We have an appointment with her vet for Saturday morning for more fluids. It may just be her time to sleep the long sleep, instead.
I'm a little somber this morning. I'm a little sad. I knew this was coming, but I kept hoping I'd have a little more time with her. Wait till Thanksgiving. Wait till the semester's over. Wait for me. Don't go, little one, don't go.
I'll miss her.
