And Then There Were None

Princess left the planet sometime Sunday/Monday. I have no cats, now.

I've lost 4 cats in the past two years. I've also lost 3 people in my life, and a few other things that mattered to me. It's been 2 years of non-stop grief.

Back to Princess...
I'd taken her to a friend's house to spend my vacation with some noise and company, as she was the only cat left, and this is the first time I've gone out of town since she's been alone. And I'm gone for ten days. I didn't want her to be lonely. She seemed to be settling in OK and adjusting for the nonce. I'd included my favorite couch blanket that she and I shared, so she would have my smells. She had litter box, all her favorite foods, and two favorite toys.

Monday, just as I was packing the car to leave for my transport, I got a call from my friend that she'd passed. She appeared to have been looking out the window and either had a stroke or seizure. She was in the middle of the floor, spread out and gone.

I usually have a sense when a cat leaves. In this instance, I didn't have anything. No "goodbye," "I'm leaving" or anything. I didn't sleep well because I never do. All day, while traveling, I wanted to roll up into a little ball and cry.

I got here, at my destination, and shared on Facebook, with a couple friends and so on. It seemed to be the thing to do.

I'm so grateful my friend was able to care for Princess' remains. I couldn't. I didn't have time.

I know that when everything leaves, there is a reason. I don't know what the next stage will bring, but it hurts to move away from the familiar. It hurts to let go.

I've decided that I'll clean all the cat hair out of the apartment, and go through the cat toys. There are some I can toss, others I can pass on to some cat owners I know. I have an entire box of cat stuff - salmon oil and such, that I can toss. I need a good housecleaning there. So, now is a good time.

Come February, I will look for another cat. I'll be in a position to know if I'm staying where I'm living or if I'll be moving again.

I don't know if my next cat will be a grown cat, rescue, kitten, or even a dog. I have no idea. That's then and this is now. I hope for a cat because cats are my favorites, but a dog would be good for exercise. I had a cat and a dog once, and the cat would walk the dog with me. He was a hoot!

Goodbye, my Princess. You are already missed. It will sink in how much when I return home next week and you aren't there to greet me. I'll really cry at the loneliness, then....

And Then There Was One

I lost Queenie this morning. She had liver cancer that was killing her. There was nothing the vets could do for her, so it was time to let her go.

She started to suffer last night. It was time.

This was Queenie....

I'm sad that she's gone. She was Beasley's favorite kitty and as prickley as she was, she was a lover, too. She always wanted to be the top cat in the house. She got to feel that way in her last few weeks. 

I'm still owned by one cat, Princess....

Princess is 17 years old. Seems to be in good health, so I hope she will stay with me for a while, yet. She's looking for Queenie every time she comes into the living room.

My heart can't take any more loss right now. It's breaking. 

Cat Urine Odor Solutions is now a book

I published Cat Urine Odor Solutions. This is a book based on the pdf that folks used to get for signing up at the website. I figured the information should be available for those who need it. There's an e-book and a paperback. You can find them here....

amzn.to/1RntE9t

 It's been updated a little bit.

I lost Beasley - And Bugsie!

Beasley got run over by a car. It was about 15 months ago, now. I wasn't blogging at the time. But, below is "Ode to Beasley" which will show my pain at the time.

I had gotten a new sewing machine and a friend had come over to help me get it out of the car. We left the door open. He got out. By the time I realized, he'd been run over. I got him to the vet and he lived almost 15 hours. He wasn't in pain. I almost died. I got the sick for the first time in five years. Almost didn't get out of bed, but I did.

Bugsie got a big mass on her cheek, right at the jaw. She was starving to death because she couldn't open her mouth. There wasn't anything they could do. I tried to get to her eat canned food, but she was ever resistant to it. I had to let her go. That was December 2014.

I have Princess and Queenie left. Princess is very snuggly after the year we've had. Queenie is jealous all the time, but she's loving, too. They are both "cats" instead of "humans in cat suits," though.


Ode to Beasley....
Feb 7, 2015

The depth of my grief is the height of my love. The loss is so deep and hollow. The hole is piercing. The wind can't get there and light doesn't exist. The pain and emptiness echo in the darkness. The part that was filled with him.

I miss his snoring in the corner, on the bed, in my lap. I miss the fur and the softness, the warmth, the feel of him. I miss his yowl and chirp. His asking without sound for my attention and his acknowledgement of my eyes on his face.

I miss the soft rumble of his purr and the deep vibration of his heart. I miss his coming to sit next to me while I work and his knowing smile.

I miss his leaning into my arm or lap or shoulder. I miss his tail, his nuzzle to my hair and his paw on my shoulder. I miss his hugs.

He was my heart for eleven years. He held my soul in his eyes, as I held his. Our song will never be sung again. My heart will never feel that same love again. I will never know the understanding look in his eyes again. The chirps, nibbles, nuzzles, head butts, insistent paw wanting my lap and begging me to put the computer away so he could be with me instead. So he could distract me and calm me and be my heart. So he could be held in that way he loved so well.

His presence was soft and demanding at the same time. His needs were ever foremost in my mind. His comfort, his care... I never made a decision that did not include him. From the first, he was my partner. From the first, there was never a question of whether he would be there or not. There was never a question or doubt that he belonged here. From the very first meeting, we were one. I knew him and he knew me. He knew he could trust me and I knew I could trust him. We would never hurt each other.

And then he had to leave. He had to cross that bridge to the endless forever and leave me behind. The hole in my soul and my heart is bottomless. The pain is overwhelming. The loss...  Oh the loss... The emptiness...

I take your favorite mouse and can't bear to do anything but put it out of my sight so I don't cry each time I pass it. I can't wash it, because you are on it. I can't throw it away or burn it because you are on it. It is you - a part of you. You held it in your mouth. It holds your yowls as you look for me in the night. As you beg for my call and attention. How can I do anything with that? I can't leave you behind. I can't go forward without you.

O Beasley, my heart, my love, my voice, my pride. How can I live without you???

You who witnessed my growth, my betrayal, my pain, my loss, my gain, my building, my tearing down. You who were my constant companion for so long. My tears are hot and wet. They flow and flow and flow. My glasses steam up any my nose runs. I cry out in the night and under the sun.

How could you leave me??? Why did you leave me??? What am I to do now??? How will I know when to get up, when to eat, bathe, take my pills?

Whom I can trust??? You were my barometer for everything in my life for so long. How can I go on? How will I know if someone is worthy of my love without you to tell me they are OK? You could always tell about people. You knew who I could trust and who I could not. You knew if it was good or bad. You always knew.

Now it is a darkness in front of me. A dark tunnel that I must walk alone. You won't be with me. You won't follow me. You won't lead me. You aren't here. I can't hold you or check with you.

I don't even have the comfort of your snoring in the corner....

I am alone....

I am so sad....

I miss you....

I will always miss you....

I will always love you....

Always....


Good night, my love. I can't say good-bye.
The words won't come. Good-bye is too final.

Somedays, You Understand...

Some days I just want to give Beasley away. He just pisses me off so bad. Like today.

I'm in school, which is why it's been forever since my last post. I just don't have time. And on top of it, Beasley likes to yowl - I mean YOWL at the top of his lungs - at 3am. And 4am. And 5am. And...

I've tried everything - take away his toys, lock him out of the bedroom, put in earplugs. Earplugs actually almost work, if I also lock him out of the bedroom. But he just won't stop. Then in the morning, he complains because he was locked out of the bedroom and chirps at me all morning to be held or come up on my lap.

He does that chirping a lot too. He chirps for food, for cuddles, to be allowed on my lap, to complain that the girls are on the chair arms and he can't get up unless he comes straight off the floor to my lap, to tell me I need to get off the computer, to change his position from my lap to my chest and shoulder.... He chirps all the time!

I get it! Hes' a vocal cat. But today he's even worse.
I finally get up after he's trashed my sleep another night, and he eats all the food. I mean - ALL the food! He doesn't only go through his bowl, but the other two. I get him away from one and he runs to the other one. He's impossible! He chases the other cats away from the food. He's a pig!

Somedays....
I go to school on 3 to 4 hours sleep, fall asleep in my classes, fall asleep if I have anything to eat and my system is trashed! I really wonder why I have this cat. He's totally destructive of a normal lifestyle!


And I'm allergic to him. His fur will clog up my nose faster than a cold! And he loves to have his back to my face in bed. I sleep on my side and he snuggles right up there. Right to my face and I can't breathe within about 3 minutes. That messes with my sleep, too...

Yet, there are times when I find his talking endearing, loving and communicative. He gives me connection and peace. I find serenity when he's sleeping in my lap, snoring away. Oh yes, he snores, too. And I really love that he will walk up from my lap, and settles on my chest. Purring the whole time.

So, today I'm just complaining about Beasley. I love him dearly, I really do. I just needed to blow off some steam...

Facebook Updates Happening

Hiya!

It's taken me forever, but I finally figured out how to post stuff to the page from my newsfeed. Whether I just never noticed it or wasn't paying attention or whatever.... I've got it working and now there are new posts at least once each time I log in - IF there is something worthy of being posted on FLOC-Facebook.

I consider myself tech-savvy, but I never could figure that out. Now that I have, I hope you will come, join in the discussions, and meet other cat lovers like yourself.

Morgen

Foods That Are Bad For Cats

I know I haven't posted in a while, but I'm still around.


I found this article and thought I would share it...

http://www.petco.com/Content/ArticleList/Article/18/2/190/Dangerous-Foods-for-Cats.aspx

What About Declawing?

I have a cat who came declawed and spayed, turned into the animal shelter as a stray. I don't think she was a stray, do you?

Anyway, this poor cat was timid, scared of feet, and hid under the bed for several months when she first came to live with us. I'm talking about Princess. It's hard to get a photo of her because she is still pretty timid.

Princess used to bite all the time. She would bite to kiss, bite to get my attention, and bite to let me know she was disturbed with me. It was a matter of figuring out what she was saying. She "patty-pats" my arm when she wants attention, too.  She jumps up on my lap, but didn't start that till after a surgery in late 2009. I think I posted about that at the time.

Well, I figured out that she was afraid of feet because she used to get kicked a lot. I actually walked into her recently, and she stayed away from me for a whole day. It was unintentional, but she didn't want to be anywhere near me for a while. After she slept with me that night, she was OK with me again. I've been able to walk up to her now and stroke her back, but she still doesn't like being caught on the bed during the day. She will run away from me if I try to pet her.

What changed things was my realizing that her biting was probably why she was turned into the shelter. I figured it had something to do with that, and likely she was owned by a bed-ridden individual, too. I figured that out by her complete acceptance of me when I was in bed, compared to her agitation and fear during the day when I was upright. I was not threatening to her when I was in bed.

Since then, she has come to accept me when I am sitting down, and will come to my chair and jump on my lap. She has even come to accept me when I bring her food to her and allow me to stroke her back as she goes to the food bowl. She still insists on eating away from the others.

She no longer bites me, either. She loves to get under-the-chin scratches, and will let me stroke her.

A delawed cat is more likely to bite. It's a way for them to get your attention and let you know that they are displeased. And all cats bite to kiss. It's just their way. If you are contemplating declawing your cat, you need to know about this.

One other VERY IMPORTANT thing to consider when declawing a cat: The litter box. When you declaw a cat, the top-most joint is removed to remove the claw. This is amputation. There is no other way to say it. So, think about having all your fingers shortened by one knuckle. And a cat uses the litter box, scratching with that exposed joint. Use a rounded, self-clumping litter. Expect that your cat may have difficulty covering their deposits in the litter box. And you MUST keep the litter clean, or your cat may develop an infection in the paw. This can happen any time after the cat is declawed, since scar tissue can break, being less-elastic than normal skin tissue. 

****

On the flip side, there is Bugs. She never quite learned to keep her claws in, so I'm always getting scratched by her. I try to turn her body so that her feet are pointing away from me, but she is pretty insistent on being nose-to-nose with me. She wants to bury herself in my side and curl up on my lap. And she "makes biscuits" all the while. I get real tired of her claws. She ruins every piece of clothing I put on!

Trimming her claws is quite difficult. She never got into the grooming habit with her claws. She allows brushing and combing, to remove mats, loose hair and fleas; but not claw-clipping. I can get one, maybe two claws at each sitting. The dew claws are the worst, and longest of her claws.She is a candidate for declawing if ever there was one! She ruins carpets and furniture daily.

So, having the experience of both types of cats, and having declawed a cat myself in the past, I know what to look for.

Make your decision carefully. Consider all other options, first. If you MUST declaw your cat, consider my information. Work with your cat to adjust. Don't hit or discipline your cat for biting. Instead, try to figure out what she or he is trying to tell you.

Talk to myself, or Jackson Galaxy, if you have questions.

How Do You Feel About This?

According to a report by the BBC, cats are much more detrimental to wildlife than previously thought. What are your thoughts on this?  Please comment.

BBC Article - Cats Killing Billions of Wild Animals

Then, in another report, the FDA says that farmed salmon is OK to eat. However, I've done my own research into this and find that feeding salmon a diet of "pellets" and antibiotics so that they don't get sick only gives humans more antibiotics. I have to eat chicken that is not fed antibiotics, because I have a sensitivity to antibiotics. What are your thoughts on this?

Farmed Salmon for Your Pet - by Dr. Becker

Weather!

We're having an ice storm here. When I lived in the Sierra Nevada Mountains, I didn't understand the difficulties of folks in East Tennessee, but now I do. There's no going anywhere today.

The parking lot is pretty much a sheet of ice, and if I can even get out, I've got a downhill trek to the road, then an uphill trek pretty much anywhere else. It doesn't matter if your car is 2-wheel or 4-wheel drive, you only have 4 little patches of rubber on the road. If they are in contact with ice, you aren't moving.

I really wanted to go back to my house today. I had plans. Oh well. My kitties will have to wait another day. The weather gurus are all saying that this will be gone tomorrow, so I'll get to see my babies then.

You noticed I didn't say "home," didn't you? Well, I'm moving up here, to the mountainous area, so I guess this is "home," now. Or at least it will be once the cats show up.